and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
