the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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