I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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