this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
