We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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