Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
