Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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