OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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