Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
