I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
