They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
