In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
