its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
