It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
