Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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