winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
