i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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