At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
