i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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