Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
