Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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