he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
