i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
