do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
