My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
