My Higher Power is John Stamos
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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