you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
