As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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