She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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