im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
