Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
