i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
