i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
