Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
