WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
