so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
