If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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