There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
