dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize