just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
