i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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