I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
