I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
