i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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