JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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