My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize