i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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