Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
