just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
if only i could text you this smell
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
