Your mouth is God's brothel.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
