I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
