Do you still have your period?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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