She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
