they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize