Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
