She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
