I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
