Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
