I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
