Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
