Michael Bay diarrhea
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
