so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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