I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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