I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
