I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
