How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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