A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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