did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
