So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize