4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
