God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
