Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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