I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
