if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
