You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
