His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
