I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
