Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
