This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
