do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
