Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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