Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
