and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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