I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
