Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Where are you guys?
Drunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
