Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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