There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
