Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
