Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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